Welcome back to Castle Rackula for the third and final installment of my Horny Holiday Horrors series. This will be my last post of the year as I am preparing for my annual Holiday Trip to a secret island in the Caspian Sea where I join a few of my powerful Hollywood friends to hunt the most dangerous game: human beings we found on Craigslist.

But I will be back in 2009 with an expanded blog and a new commitment to Twittering. So if you’re not already following me on Twitter, don’t waste another precious moment.

But without further ado, I bring you three more Christmas-themed slasher movies with nudity.

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Welcome back my friends, to Castle Rackula and thanks to all of you who are following on Twitter. Sorry I don’t update more often, but these Internet trice are hard for a 1200-year-old dog like me to learn

The Christmas Season marches on, even her in Mamsylvania, and as promised, this week’s column will be dedicated to the sequels of the classic Santa slasher flick Silent Night, Deadly Night.

So put on a yule log. heat up some eggnog and prepare to jingle some bells.

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Greetings my friends, and welcome back to Castle Rackula. This week, my flamboyant cousin Count Ballsackula dragged me to go see Twilight. I was impressed by what I saw of Kristen Stewart (can’t wait to see her play lesbian dominatrix Joan Jett), but I think he was more interested in Robert Pattinson.

In the past, Count Ballsackula has dragged me to see Interview with the Vampire, Gayracula, and to Truman Capote’s table at Studio 54.

But I digress. The subject at hand is holiday horror movies, which I will be exploring throughout the month of December.

We will begin with the most notorious of the genre, Silent Night, Deadly Night.

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Count Rackula Reviews Two Horror Classics

Greetings, my friends, and welcome back to Castle Rackula. This week I am very excited to be talking about two of the most important horror movies of the early 1980s, now available for the first time in deluxe edition DVD from the good people at Grindhouse Releasing.

The first is Lucio Fulci’s legendary 1981 Gothic gore-fest The Beyond, or as my friend Bob Guccione would say, L'aldila ; the second in Juan Piquer Simon’s 1982 skin-filled cult classic Pieces, or Mil gritos tiene la noche if you’re Francisco Franco.

Read the full reviews and watch a clip from Pieces after the bite. more…

If You Can’t Masturbate, Decapitate!

Ah my friends, welcome back to Castle Rackula. I wasn’t expecting you this early!

You’ve caught me watching one of my old favorites, Dracula Exotica with Vanessa del Rio and my dear friend Randy West. But that actually brings me to the point of this week’s visit.

When I was a young boy in pre-Christian Mamsylvania, my friends and I used to steal the erotic etchings of Messalina getting gang-banged by the senate that the Roman soldiers carried and hide them under our straw mattresses to look at by candlelight when everyone else was asleep.

Incidentally, the real Messalina was never as hot as Anneka Di Lorenzo (AKA Marjorie Lee Thoreson) was in Caligula. But then, the real Messalina would never have sued Bob Guccione for sexual harassment.

Pornography has come a long way since the days of the Roman Empire. And today’s porn stars, while they may not have the political pull that Messalina did, do have more star power.

And sometimes they use that star power to make the jump from creamed teens to scream queens. Here are few of my favorites.

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Groovy Times are Rear Again

Welcome back to Castle Rackula, my friends. I hope your Halloween was as eventful as mine. Tony Curtis showed up unexpectedly to the party at about one AM, but I’m still not sure whether that was meant to be a trick or a treat.

But all the debauchery has got me thinking about the most debauched periods I ever lived through (so to speak). There was the French Revolution of course, and the last days of Rome, but nothing really compared to the years I spend hob-knobbing with David Crosby down in Laurel Canyon.

In honor of those heady (pun skin-tended) times, I would like to visit some of my favorite hippie horror movies. So light up that incense, stick on that Blues Image record and join me, won’t you?

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Tricks and Teats

Greetings and salutations from the darkest recesses of Castle Rackula, high in the hills of Mamsylvania.

Halloween night is very special around here. All my monster friends and a handful of Hollywood phonies come by and we engage in all the standard festivities: boobing for chest-apples, carving up rump-kins, playing pin-the-tail-on-the-prostitute-from-Craigslist, and having a séance to commune with the spirits of dead prostitutes.

I was also happy this year to get my good friend Mark Johnston from Shocking Videos' Halloween newsletter. All that nostalgia made me feel like I was 412 again.

In honor of the Great Pumpkin, I put on my copy of Night on Disco Mountain and compiled this list, a veritable Bocaccio’s Decameron of ten of my favorite naked horror movies that take place on Halloween night.

To be fair, only eight of them have nudity, but I included two additional movies for my own reasons.

So pull up coffin, sit down, and skin-joy!

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Spectral Sacks, Ghostly Glutes, and Phantom Furburger

Hello my friends, and welcome back to Castle Rackula. That clinking of chains you hear upstairs is just something I have going with a couple of girls off of Craigslist, but the sound does put me in mind of those least substantial of supernatural species: ghosts.

Ghosts have a reputation for being depressive, gloomy, self-pitying, and no fun to be around. Having suffered through several extremely long dinner parties down in Knoxville with the Bell Witch and the pre-deceased Jim Varney (who was a delight, unlike his translucent ancestor), I can attest that that reputation is well earned.

But who can blame them? Unlike us vampires, who get to keep their bodies in perfect shape for all of eternity, the physical presence of ghosts is generally reduced to an unappealing and intangible blur.

But sometimes, the movies give us an improved version of reality. These ten movies contain naked specters who would turn Bill Murray and Harold Ramis from Ghostbusters into ghost-lusters!

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Tail from the Darkside

Welcome back, my thirsty friends, to Castle Rackula. Last week, I dug deep into the catacombs of 1980s horror movies and came up with more than a few bones.

On this visit, I would like to turn your attention to the world of horror television. In the 1980s, a slew of shows popped up in the vein of old classics The Twilight Zone and Kolchak the Night Stalker.

While shows like Tales from the Crypt, The Hunger, and Masters of Horror are well known for their copious nudity, this was not the case, sadly, with these syndicated broadcast series. But they still had their share of babes, many of whom decides to flash flesh elsewhere.

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Hello my friends, and welcome back to Castle Rackula. I’ve been in a reflective mood lately. The economic meltdown that currently surrounds us has put me in mind of the movie Wall Street and the Black Monday crash of 1987.

Of course, the market doesn’t concern me, since all my assets are in the form of Aztec gold stored in a vault deep below the castle and guarded by an army of my thralls. As long as the blood banks don’t fail, I’ll be fine.

But back to the topic at hand. The 80s were a special for this vampire. I was in my early eight hundred and twenties and looking for a good time. And when I wasn’t haunting Studio 54 or waiting outside the health clinics to bite the girls who came out clean, I was at the movies!

Here are a few of my favorites from the era of breakdancing and Mr. Belvedere.

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Michelle Fatale: The Count Rackula Skinterview

Horror director Michelle Fatale made her first short film Dead Line in 2004 and promptly won official selection at the IFFNTX.com film festival.

Michelle’s subsequent film credits include Paraphilia, Closet Monster, Monkey Vs. Hooker, and Werewolf in a Women's Prison (a personal favorite of the Count’s).

Recently, Michelle finished a new movie called The Cleaner and stopped by Castle Rackula to have a live (so to speak) chat.

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Welcome back, my friends, to Castle Rackula.

I was very excited this week to see that the stalwart Mark Johnston of Shocking Videos is back online and open for business.

Tons of out-of-print movies are available through Mark’s website and I’ve picked out five of the scariest and sleaziest to recommend.

So move that old skeleton, sit back on that overstuffed velvet armchair, and relax as I pontificate on some fright flicks to thicken your blood and stiffen your wood!

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