Mr. Skin Mr. Skin

Congratulations on the condemnation. How do you go about getting the attention of the Catholic League?

Apparently all you have to do is write a song about your vagina. I really didn't have anything to do with it. My friend called me up and told me that he'd seen the press release on some news site. At first I was kind of nervous. I didn't need a bunch of Catholics on my ass. Then I relaxed and realized it was a good thing. If they're wasting time on me, then they must think I'm famous.

Are you even Catholic?

I'm kind of an agnostic, but I did go to church for a little while when I was a kid. We had these weird neighbors who'd take me to church. My parents made me stop going because I started getting crazy, going up to everyone and telling them they were going to Hell. My parents were, like, "Okay, that's enough church."

We should note that you've never shown your vagina. You're even dressed conservatively when you're putting your hand down your pants.

I always dress like a gay mariachi singer. My clothes stay on when I'm doing my act. I just did a burlesque dance for the first time. It was in character as part of a show. I didn't even get half naked.

Hopefully audiences will figure out that you're not all about the vagina.

I do a lot of songs that aren't vagina-based. I wish I could tap more into the vagina world. There could be work for me on The Playboy Channel and that kind of thing.

The world of the vagina has always been magical to us. There's nothing like a full-frontal nude scene to get us waving our wands.

I always think that's exciting. It's a sign of a progressive society when the world treats a woman's body like it really exists. It's hard for me to remember nude scenes. I've got a really bad short-term memory. I smoked a lot of pot when I was growing up in Maine. There wasn't anything else to do.

Well, you've come along just when lots of celebrities are showing their vaginas in public--such as Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.

I was happy to hear what Britney Spears was up to. Everyone trashed her, but I thought it was great. Did you notice how the world was so pissed off about it? They're angry. I don't know whether Britney and Paris and Lindsay are doing it accidentally or not, but it's weird the way the world is treating them badly. Like it's such a dirty thing, that vaginas are bad and dirty.

I used to live above a porn shop in Maine, and the guy who owned the place used to recommend the most ridiculous porn. I can't remember what it was called, but one of the videos had all these flying magical psychedelic dildos. Did Lisa Bonet (Picture: 1 - 2) show her vagina in Angel Heart?

No, but she did some great work in that one.

I saw it when I was a kid. There's this ruthless sex scene at the end between Mickey Rourke and Lisa Bonet. That movie gave me nightmares when I saw it as a toddler. Then I saw it when I was older, and I realized that scene was really hot. Nothing like a bloody sex scene to get the juices going. And it was Lisa from The Cosby Show--that beautiful little girl!

I don't see that many films. I remember there was a lot of boob action in Eyes Wide Shut (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3). That reminds me of another Stanley Kubrick movie--A Clockwork Orange (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3). That was a pretty erotic sex scene, even though it was a rape scene. Very juicy, to put it mildly.

Rape scenes are always a tough call.

I actually have a song where I make a parody of rape. I have two, actually. One is called "I'm Saving This Rape for Someone I Love," where I'm telling a rapist that I'm only going to let that happen when my boyfriend rapes me in a fun way. There's also a song that I play on my rape whistle.

That sounds socially responsible.

That's the trick. You think the song is going one place, and it goes somewhere else. Some people don't get that endearing twist.