Valérie Quennessen in Conan the Barbarian (1982)

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It’s a barbarian skinvasion of boobs, blood, and magical beasts in the sword n’ sorcery classic Conan the Barbarian (1982). Future “governator” Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as the titular Conan, who is sold into slavery as a mere barbarian babe. After a childhood spent laboring in (one can only assume) the weight room, Conan has become a bad-ass gladiator with revenge on his mind. With the help of a band of thieves, Conan searches for the sorcerer who ordered the genocide of his people, cannibal cult leader Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones). What will Conan do when he finds the evil necromancer? Hint: it involves a big ol’ sword.

Speaking of big ol’ swords, yours will magically triple in size when you see Leslie Foldvary‘s fabulously Freudian nude snake dance. We’re also treated to a rare appearance from the French fox Valerie Quennessen, but save some of your strength, because you’ll be unsheathing your blade when volcanically voluptuous Sandahl Bergman bares boobs as Conan’s lover Valeria. Talk about Mountains of Power!