Gwyneth Paltrow in A Perfect Murder (1998)
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Rali: We’ve got director: Andrew Davis (The Fugitive, Collateral Damage), nominated for a Golden Globe for the former flick, teaming up in this highly touted thriller, a remake of a Hitchcock classic: Dial M for Murder with Hollywood’s latest “Godfather:” 2 time Oscar winner Michael Douglas (Traffic, Wonder Boys, The Game) and the always lovely, 1 time Oscar winner, gorgeous Gwyneth Paltrow (Shakespeare in Love, Se7en, The Talented Mr. Ripley). The movie’s tagline is: “A powerful husband. An unfaithful wife. A jealous lover. All of them have a motive. Each of them has a plan.”
Set in the present in New York’s financial district, Millionaire industrialist Steven Taylor, a powerful and wealthy man possess everything except the one thing he really wants, the fidelity and total domination of his beautiful trophy wife, who is so much more than a scintillatingly beautiful prize; she’s strong, intelligent, independent and works for the UN. Her project is to help a struggling artist played by Viggo Mortensen (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, G.I. Jane) and her reward is something her husband could never give her, the fulfillment of her emotional needs. When Douglas discovers Paltrow’s affair he plots the perfect murder with an eye to inheriting her considerable trust fund in addition to satisfying his need for revenge. So, Oz, did it work for you?
OZ: Dial M For Murder has never been so disregarded as it was in this remake. Don't know why anyone would remake a film that was so complete to begin with but I guess it was bound to happen.
Rali: It’s a film about ego and I suppose there were a lot of ego’s thinking they could one up Hitchcock… or at least update him perhaps. How about the cast?
OZ: Michael (more wrinkles than Phyllis Diller) Douglas and Gwyneth (I'm in everything, anywhere, ever) Paltrow star in this remake of the Hitchcock classic and it's all a big bore.
Rali: Was there anything redeeming about it?
OZ: Not even going to go into it. It's lame. Video fare maybe. I spent $3 on it and wished I'd gone to McDonalds. Gwyneth ain't all that, sorry Ben, or whoever it maybe these days, screwing a smile on her face… and Douglas needs to embrace his grayness.
Rali: A lot of guys have cooled towards Paltrow but as long as I’ve got a face…she’s always got a place to park her pussy.
OZ: I'm sure Gwyneth is capable of acting, I just haven't see her do it yet. As for Douglas, I kept forgetting which movie I was watching while he was on screen. He looked the same as he has in every movie he's ever done.
Rali: Just like his dad… he’s a performing personality rather than an actor’s actor…
OZ: Yea, it was “Gordon Gecko” married to “Emma” for me…
Rali: Anyone or anything else standout?
OZ: Why does every artist in films have long hair and a six pack o'abs? Just wondering…
Rali: Wow… so dare I ask how you would rate it?
OZ: Sucks All Ass!
Rali: Next time remind me to ask you not to hold anything back and to feel free to rate the movie with absolute candor and honesty… (We laugh.).
Nudity Report: Any movie where there is a chance to see Paltrow in the nude is a movie I’ll be ready to sit through tons of shit to see Unfortunately, we have a flick here, where there is no payoff… some sexy scenes, yes but do we see any of Gwyneth’s 3 B’s: No! I thought for sure there’d at least be a nipple slipple in her sex scenes with the artist but there’s not even a nipple ripple in the sheets! I loved the scene where Gwyneth is running around in just a white shirt, which often flies open to expose her black, lace panties and her killer wrap around your back twice loooooong legs… but our lovely lady is definitely Skingy in this flick… and it’s a movie which really needs some celebrity Skin because it doesn’t have much else to recommend it! Boring… snoring… ignoring shit! I wonder why some of the critics liked it… political correctness perhaps… paying homage to the Douglas Dynasty maybe… sucking up for their next hard to get interview, probably?
Critics: Roger Ebert: 3/4, Berardinelli: 1.5/4 Apollo: 83 IMDB: 6.4 out of 10
Box Office: It’s brought in nearly 70 million bucks so I guess these guys will take the money and try butchering another classic… but it won’t work ‘cause now we’re on to you… suck-aws!
Versions: TV: It’s in fairly general release showing up on most channels. VHS: All versions are available for rent or purchase at your local video outlet… probably even on the Falkland Islands. DVD: Video Format: Anamorphic 1.85:1 Widescreen, 1.33:1 Pan&Scan Audio Format: Dolby Digital 5.1 DVD Format: DVD-10 (Side A: Widescreen, Side B: Pan&Scan) Language Tracks: English, French Subtitle Tracks: English (Captioned), French Length: 108 minutes Rating: R Release Date: 11/03/98 Packaging: Snapper Case Region Code: 1 Studio: Warner Catalog Number: 16643 Impressive extras: two separate audio commentaries: with director Andrew Davis, screenwriter Patrick Smith Kelly and actor Michael Douglass and they explain differences and similarities to the original play and to Hitchcock's classic. The second commentary is a technical, explanatory and very interesting commentary by producer Andrew Davis, cinematographer Dariusz Wolski, costume designer Ellen Mirojnick, set director Debra Shutt and production designer Phillip Rosenberg. There’s an alternate ending that can be played with or without the director's commentary. There’s also the usual cast and crew bios and a production notes style “about the story feature.”
Written by: Oz with Raliton Suffield