Karen Nielsen in Galactic Gigolo (1988)

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Galactic Gigolo’s title alone should have sent up a red flag for me… The fact that the film was directed by Psychos in Love’s Gorman Bechard and starred that film’s leading dude Carmine Capobianco should have also served as more than an ample warning sign. Nevertheless, in the Name of Science and Skinematic Review, I watched it anyhow.

Yes, it was just that bad. The plot concerns “Eoj” (Capobianco) who wins an Alien Game Show and gets the Grand Prize, which I think had something to do with going to Earth to bang all the Earth Broads that he can.

And… Well, that’s it. There is no further development, outside of the introductions of a few unrelated characters (including some gangsters, some rednecks, some gangster rednecks, some redneck gangsters, and a photographer…) which serves only as filler-fodder in between the gratuitous sex scenes that really aren’t all that plentiful. LeeAnne Baker takes the lead with a topless hot tub scene with Eoj a whopping eight minutes into the movie, but we’re then forced to wait another fifteen minutes before we’re treated to more titties, which belong to Angela Nicholas, Karen Nielsen, and Lisa Petruno. Another twenty minutes later, Ruth Collins flashes some encore hooter right up to the incredibly unsatisfying conclusion.

Had Galactic Gigolo contained a great deal more gratuitous nudity I may have been able to recommend it. Since it doesn’t, though, I’d have to say that everyone on Earth should avoid it… If you’re from Mars… sure, give it a look!

IMDb Summary: 3.4/10


Written by: Vance Moravian