Maruschka Detmers in Hidden Assassin (1995)

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Hidden Assassin has a number of problems. Let’s examine them, shall we?

1. Ted Kotcheff (Weekend at Bernie’s, Folks!) probably can’t direct traffic, much less a feature film…

2. Dolph Lundgren is a bodybuilder, not an actor, and he’s the star of the film…

3. Both Maruschka Detmers and Assumpta Serna are capable thespians, but all to often in Assassins, their roles are overshadowed by Lundgren, who seems to be out to ruin both their performances.

We could go on in great detail about the film’s countless plot holes, not the least of which is the fact that a Swedish man is an American Marshall, who just so happens to be out to arrest Detmers, a Dutch lady playing a lesbian Czech hired gun. Talk about bad casting…

The plot is fairly predictable, too. Lundgren sets out to Europe to find Detmers, whom the U.S. suspects killed a Cuban ambassador. Naturally, she didn’t, so the two team up in order to save her from a similar demise at the hands of the Czech government. Car chases, gunfights, and fistfights ensue.

In fact, the only entertaining moments in the film appear when John Ashton (Beverly Hills Cop, She’s Having a Baby) shows up to help Lundgren, and even then, Lundgren’s complete inability to “act” pretty much ruins his scenes. What a waste of time. D-.

Nudity Report: Detmers flashes some tit in a fairly brief bathtub scene. If you want to see her naked, check out Devil in the Flesh instead. At least she gives a hummer in that one…

IMDb Summary: 3.8/10… The good news is that at least 140 people saw it…


Written by: Vance Moravian