Sandahl Bergman in Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)

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Many of you, like me, are lovers of movies so bad that they are good. Who, among us junk addicts, doesn't love Blood Surf or Manos or Plan 9 From Outer Space or Hardcase and Fist, and would rather watch any of those films than The English Patient.

Well, if you are among those bad movie lovers, you are pretty close to Valhalla with this one. Imagine the special effects of Howard the Duck, the ambience of Mad Max, half of the plot lifted from Planet of the Apes, the other half of the plot from Flesh Gordon 2, the acting of Plan 9, gratuitous T&A, about 20 minutes discussing Roddy Piper's penis, and the campiest dialogue ever written. If that appeals to you, read on, MacDuff.

Hell Comes to Frogtown takes place in a post-apocalyptic world in which humans have achieved or are approaching secondary status on the planet. It starts with a parody of the Statue of Liberty scene in Planet of the Apes, just in case you're too dense to figure out the parallel, but in this case, humans aren't competing with intelligent, super-evolved apes, but rather frogs. These amphibious fiends are gradually taking over all activities formerly dominated by humans, especially the NBA, where their leaping ability really comes in handy.

The only hope for humans is to re-populate the earth, but most human males are now sterile, so the entire fate of the world rests on Roddy Piper's wide shoulders, or to be more specific, on his mighty dick, the only working human dick in the universe. Roddy is held prisoner by the females who rule the human colonies on the planet, and he is kept in a special pee-pee harness which gives him a jolt any time he gets more than 100 yards from his captors, or just when he pisses them off and they feel like a few laughs.

So whenever the chicks need a chuckle or two, they just send a few jolts to Roddy's nuts and watch him writhe in agony. You see, they can't have him wasting his sperm on infertile women, so they keep him in tow until the time is ripe. His pee-pee is branded "property of the provisional government".

Roddy's character is named Sam Hell, and his first assignment in fertility is to sneak into Frogtown (actually a deserted refinery with a strip club inside), and rescue a bunch of fertile women who are being held prisoner by some froggies. At first, the frogs hold sway over Roddy and Sandahl Bergman, but eventually Roddy kicks some Toad Tush.

Before Roddy rescues Sandahl, she is forced by the frog kingpin to perform the dreaded Dance of the Three Snakes. You see, he has three penises, and when the dance is finished, he announces ""the three snakes are aroused". Luckily the Rowdy one shows up just in time to kick some Froggy Fanny, rescue Sandahl, save the world, and kill some frogs with his mighty suplexes.

The director, Donald Jackson, has also directed Mimes, Silent but Deadly, Lingerie Kickboxer, and, interestingly enough, American Beauty. OK, maybe not the last one, but the other two are really his.
It is also a good DVD, with a colorful and crisp widescreen anamorphic transfer and a full-length commentary.

Highly recommended!

Nudity Report: Cec Verrell is naked in a sex scene with Piper. Sandahl Bergman spends much of the film in bikinis of one type or another. Various female humans, held by the frogs, are seen in see-through tops.

Critics Vote: Leonard Maltin 1.5/4

IMDB Summary: 4.2 out of 10

DVD Info: Widescreen anamorphic, 1.85:1, Full-length director and writer commentary.


Written by: Scoopy ...scoopy.net