Jessica Alba in Paranoid (2000)

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What a hunk of manure this puppy is! Comes from the school of thought that says strange is meritorious, ipso facto. Guess what, boys? Strange movies can be good (the best of Cronenberg, Greenaway, and David Lynch, e.g.), or they can lap on the love-lolly. It all depends. This one laps.

What a disappointment, because Aussie John Duigan has directed some films that I like (Sirens, Lawn Dogs), but this makes two bad ones for him in just a couple months (He directed Molly as well).

Supermodel Jessica Alba's car breaks down and she is kidnapped by some wackos. They tie her up. Her clothes change several times while she's chained to the bed, but we don't see jack gumbo - nada. Jeanne Tripplehorn is one of the wackos, and you can kinda make out her breasts under her dress. There is actually quite a bit of nudity, but I don't know who any of these people are. I'm not even sure what the hell this movie was about, or what the ending means. Some seriously nutbag entertainment. I'll be honest, though. I would have forgiven them if Jessica had gotten naked. Hell, for Jessica naked, I might sit through Exit to Eden.

I don't think this one ever made it to the theaters. And for good reasons.

Tuna's Comments:

Paranoid (2000) has been widely rumored to have a nip slip of Jessica Alba. Were it true, it might possibly be worth the rental price, although Blockbuster couldn't seem to rent it out, and has released it for sale. Short version? Bad movie, bad transfer, and the nip slip is really the shadow of her hand. What may have fooled some people is that she is lit from both sides.

I say it is a shadow because:

1) They went to great lengths in the rest of the film to avoid showing anything.

2) It is too far to the side.

3) It is too high on the breast.

4) As they zoom in, it goes away, although the dress doesn't move up.


Written by: Scoopy...Scoopy.net