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Mr. Skin's Gadget Guide 2009

Thu, Dec 10, 2009 @ 3:30pm by Mr. Skin (3 Comments)

gadgetheader

Whether you're shopping for holiday gifts or picking up something to make your life more exciting, it's easy to get lost in the world of high-tech gadgetry. This year, with Blu-ray, hi-def lcds, and ever more sophisticated celebrity sex tapes, technology is changing the game for fans of celebrity nudity. With that in mind, here's a list of my favorite gear from 2009, reviewed especially for the skinficianado.

Video Camera

Uses for the skinficionado:
Without these handy contraptions, who knows how long it would have taken us to see Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian naked? For capturing those elusive nude celebs, the video camera is a sine qua non.

video cameraIf you’re Bernardo Bertolucci:
Get the Kodak Zi8, which boasts good image stabilization, 1080-pixel resolution for ultra-high detail, and expandable storage so you'll always have room.

If you’re Jim Wynorski:
Grab the new iPod nano with a polished anodized aluminum finish, a larger screen, and video recording. Plus it looks like your standard mp3 player so no one will realize you’re filming.

Digital Camera

Uses for the skinficionado:
As the Skin Lab technicians can tell you, there’s nothing like a clear, crisp picture for identifying a nip slip, a cheek peek, or the ever elusive lip slip. So when you’re surrounded by half-naked celebs, have one of these ready to start snapping.

cameraIf you work for TMZ:
The 18 megapixel Canon 7D digital SLR takes great photos and has 1080-pixel video recording with super performance in low light; so she won’t look like a green raccoon!

If you upload to your own gossip blog:
The 10.1MP Panasonic ZS3 records 720p video with the push of a button and takes excellent still pictures for a compact camera.

Cell Phone

Uses for the skinficionado:
Not only do today’s cell phones have the ability to take pictures and record video, they also allow users to instantly upload content to the Internet before they can change their mind.

cell phoneIf you’re an A-Lister:
The iPhone 3GS has a 3mp camera with tap-to-focus functionality, and the video recording and easy uploading will make you a viral video sensation.

If you’re a D-lister, as in “Don't want a contract”:
Nokia’s N900
has a 5mp camera with dual-LED flash for your next low-light bedroom romp. Or if you have Verizon, you can try the new Motorola Droid.

Sex Toys

Uses for the skinficionado:
As Carrie Prejean showed us, you don’t always need two to make a sex tape go right. Some girls (And Tyler Perry) say, “I can do bad all by myself.” Well, that’s not exactly true. Sometimes they need a little help.

Sex toysFor the ladies:
The 18k-gold-plated Lelo Yva can run for seven hours on a two-hour charge. Could Colin Farrell or Balthazar Getty say the same? It comes with a charger, manual, satin pouch, and a one-year warranty.

For the gents:
The RealTouch hooks up to a computer and plays a video while the massager corresponds to the action on screen using patented haptic technology.

Blu-ray player

Uses for the skinficionado:
No one knows better than Mr. Skin what a revolutionary technology Blu-ray has turned out to be. It has revealed dozens of instances of nudity in old movies that weren’t detectable before, like Lisa Bonet’s butt and bush in Angel Heart. For film buffs, Blu-ray is rewriting history.

blu-rayIf video is your thing:
The Oppo Digital BDP-83SE is the best for video quality and responsiveness. With "Anchor Bay's high-end VRS video processor, you’ll never wonder whether you’re seeing a nipple or a shadow again.

If high-tech is your thing:
You may want to watch streaming HD content along with Blu-rays. The LG BD-390 integrates 802.11n wifi and streaming video from Youtube, Netflix, and CinemaNow.

Flat screen TV

Uses for the skinficionado:
Once you’ve got a Blu-ray player, you’ll need a top-of-the line TV to get the perfect undistorted, high-definition image of your favorite actresses naked. Unfortunately we still don’t have the technology to make Megan Fox take off her top.

TVIf you’re Brad Pitt:
Samsung’s 55” UN55B8500 has an LED-backlit LCD for excellent shadow detail so you can easily catch Demi Moore’s bush in bed in About Last Night.

If you’re K-Fed:
The Panasonic TC-P46G10 46" plasma gives you a great picture from any angle, and the integrated Amazon video-on-demand feature makes it easy to get your movies instantly.

Netbook

Uses for the skinficionado:
Designed to weigh and cost significantly less than laptops, netbooks are perfect for watching streaming video or inconspicuously surfing MrSkin.com. And because it’s so easy to carry one, they’re perfect for a transatlantic flight or public restroom.

netbookIf you’re going to Paris, France:
The HP Mini 31 has an 11.6" HD display and 1080p video playback. Six hours of battery life and an optional external Blu-ray drive means you can watch the whole Imperial Edition of Caligula without recharging.

If you’re going to Paris, Texas:
Get the same model from Verizon Wireless for $199 with a data plan and a two-year contract, so you can have Internet access anywhere.

Webcam

Uses for the skinficionado:
When it comes to filming and instantly uploading sexual activity, the classic webcam brooks no rivals. Whether you’re a guy who talked your girlfriend into a threesome or a co-ed making some textbook money, you want the best picture quality available.

webcamIf you’re Tila Tequila:
The Logitech Webcam Pro 9000 is equipped with quick autofocus, a high-quality Carl Zeiss lens, and HD video recording so that no one ever need question your sexual identity again.

If you’re Jason Biggs in American Pie:
Stream your improbable sexual conquests live to your disbelieving friends with the Logitech QuickCam Orbit, which has motorized tracking to automatically follow the action.

Book light

Uses for the skinficionado:
It’s not as glamorous as an iPhone or a gold-plated sex toy, but a good clip-on book light allows you to read your new copy of Mr. Skin's Skincyclopedia: The A-to-Z Guide to Finding Your Favorite Actresses Naked—Second Edition without having to turn on the lights.

book lightIf you don’t want to wake your roommate:
The GE 17205 LED Book Light with a clear clip takes two CR2032 batteries and has almost 20 hours of battery life. And it’s only the size of a credit card.

If you don’t want to wake your wife:
Zelco’s "Itty Bitty" Original Book Light
comes with a battery pack, AC adapter, and spare bulb, and the no-glare beam will illuminate nothing but the page in front of you.

Network video player

Uses for the skinficionado:
When you don’t want to clutter your living room with DVDs and Blu-ray discs but you still want instant access to thousands of movies at your fingertips, then it’s time for a network video player so you can watch your favorite video-on-demand sites on your TV in high quality.

network videoIf you’re Bruce Jenner:
The Roku HD-XR player can easily stream movies from Netflix and Amazon Video on Demand over fast 802.11n in wifi - even if you don’t know what “wifi” means.

If you’re Brody Jenner:
Load an Acer Aspire Revo with XBMC or Boxee to make your own media center. Boxee even has an adults-only channel. It pays to be an Internet baby.

Digital Video Recorder

Uses for the skinficionado:
In recent years, cable TV has become a great place to see actresses naked. And with VCRs extinct, you need a new way to record episodes of Californication for a more careful examination later. You need a DVR.

DVRIf you’re Tara Reid:
The Tivo HD XL can record up to 150 hours of HDTV and also streams video from Youtube, Amazon, and Netflix.

If you’re Natalie Portman:
The Moxi 3-Tuner HD DVR and Moxi Mate bundle gets a little more complicated, allowing you to record three shows at once and share them to another room in your home.

Storage device

Uses for the skinficionado:
You already download a ton of clips from MrSkin.com, and now you want a place to store them just in case the Internet does crash one day. It also wouldn’t be a bad idea to back up your less important, possibly work-related, files.

storageIf you watch Hoarders:
The Drobo Pro has room for 8 disks (up to 16 terabytes) and options for dual-disk redundancy so that you can still watch clips from Gia even if two of your hard drives crash.

If you watch Mad Men:
The Western Digital My Passport Studio 500GB gives you half a terabyte of storage and ultra-fast Firewire 800 connectivity so you can stay lean and mean like Eva Green.

Zoom Lenses

Uses for the skinficionado:
Taking pictures from a court-ordered 200-feet distance can be a challenge for even the most accomplished paparazzo. So investing some money in the right zoom lens is a must before any trip to a private island or nude beach.

zoomIf you’re Hugh Hefner:
The new Nikon 70-200mm f/2.8 VR II has a wide, constant f/2.8 aperture and new VR II image stabilization for low-light distance shots of the girls next door.

If you’re Adnan Ghalib:
With the Tamron 17-50 f/2.8 VC lens you still get a fast f/2.8 lens with image stabilization, but you'll have to get in a little closer to your subject. Just ask Britney.

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Comments

You have the links for "Boxee" and "XBMC" switched. When you click on XBMC it takes you to www.boxee.tv and Boxee takes you to www.xbmc.org.

Internet Reader @10:03AM on December 15, 2009

@Internet Reader:

Thanks. We fixed it.

Count Rackula (Skinployee) @ 4:50PM on December 15, 2009

@Internet Reader:

I wouldn't have noticed that in a million years.

Skin_Enthusiast @ 7:36PM on December 15, 2009

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